


Stay Alive

by bellalupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29872986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellalupin/pseuds/bellalupin
Summary: An alternate universe where Voldemort kept his promise to Severus Snape. Where Lily Evans was the one kept alive. He will always protect her. Always.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin





	Stay Alive

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter's just setting the plot, a lot of dialogue. Stay tuned for more besties.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily wakes up in a dungeon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just setting the pace for the story, stay tuned for more!

Sunday 1st November, 1981

She woke up sweating. Chills ran down her back, goosebumps multiplying across her cold skin. She glanced around the dark room, unsure of where she was. She tried standing up, only to realize she was chained to the stained cot that stood awfully out of place behind her, her right hand manacled. Dumbfounded, she sighed indignantly, not being able to remember anything from before. 

"Hello?" she called out, her shaky voice breaking the thick silent envelope in the room, "Is anyone here?" she croaked, sitting back down on the creaking cot. Her eyes were heavy, her forehead beading with sweat. Her mind was running a million miles a minute, her head starting to ache from an unknown sharp pain in her body. A door at the opposite end of the room cracked open, dim yellow light flooding into the small dark area. 

"Lily? Are you awake?" A quiet voice whispered from behind the door. She clumsily stood up, squaring her shoulders. "Yes," she mumbled in barely a whisper, "Yes!" she cleared her throat. She stood her ground determinedly, putting on a brave front. A dark figure entered the room, closing the door behind them. From a glance, it seemed to be Severus Snape, a close friend she grew up with. "Severus?" said Lily. "Yes, Lily. It's me" "Where are we? Why are we here?" 

"There is no lenient approach to this. Just trust that I have your best interest at heart. This was the easiest way," Severus said slowly, his hands folded behind his back.

"What does that mean? Sev, what is this?"

"Your location was discovered by the dark lord, you see," he started. Lily's heart dropped. 

"James is dead. Harry is dead. "

"Oh my god..." she whispered. Her face felt hot and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. "Why are _you_ here?" her voice broke. She tried to contain herself. At least until Severus had left.

"Lily, listen to me. I did everything I could to protect you from him, the only way to keep you alive was to let him..." he nodded quickly, not meeting her eyes. "You don't understand. You never will. You will never understand the power the dark lord has and what I had to go through for this horrible compromise. But all that matters is that you're alive."

"You let him kill my husband. And my son. If that's what you consider a compromise, you're bloody mental. I should be down on my knees right now, mourning for James; for Harry; for Marlene, and everyone else who died for the cause. But I'm not. Not now at least. Because this is war. People die, Severus. You can't mess with war like you're a god, deciding who lives and who dies. My _son_ could've been _great_. But now, he'll never even have the chance. Because you tossed his life away for mine. For a bloody schoolboy crush."

Severus stared at her with his dark eyes, looking paler than usual. He reached for his wand and with a flick of his wrist, Lily's manacles became undone. He turned and left without a word, closing the door behind him. Once he was gone, Lily let her guard down. She felt her face scrunch up and she fell to her knees, coughing out low sobs. She barely had any tears left, but the ones she did have, she let go like there was nothing else in the world that mattered. Everything she had fought for, everyone she swore to protect, was gone. Years and years of her life gone with a cold heart and a flick of a wand. She held her knees to her chest, heaving gasps of anguish and despair. She weakly crawled back onto the cot, falling into an uncomfortable sleep, her dreams filled with sounds of a baby crying. 

Lily woke later from the sound of the old door being opened again. She blinked, ridding her eyes of a hazy blur. She hastily shot up straight, her eyes locking onto the door. Severus entered the room, having changed his clothes from the dark robes he wore earlier. He kept his gaze to the floor as he made his way towards the cot. Lily stared at him the entire time, her lips pressed in a line. She didn't know why he was back, he couldn't possibly think she would forgive him. He cautiously sat down at the end of her cot, patting the sheets around him. He looked up at her, eyes deep and tired. 

"I don't expect you to forgive me. Not now, at least-"

"Not _ever_ ," she spat. 

He flinched slightly, frowning at her interruption. "Ok. Not ever, then. But I hope you know I never meant for Harry to get hurt. Or-" he hesitated, "James either."

"Bollocks, Severus. All you've ever wanted is to watch James Potter suffer. Isn't this your happy ending?" she asked coldly. She had no obligation to be kind to him right now, as she usually was. 

"Lily, it's not like that. It never was. Just because he and his goons were gits in school doesn't mean I want to see them dead."

"Are they dead?" 

He seemed taken aback by the question, his eyes widening. "No. Lupin and Black are still alive. Pettigrew and Macdonald as well."

She held back tears, mostly of relief. "How did he find us? The dark lord, we-" she stopped herself before her voice broke. 

He shook his head, looking back to the flagstone floor. Lily ran the question through her mind dozens of times, and none of the outcomes made sense. Sirius, their best friend, had been their secret-keeper to make sure no one would ever find where they resided for those horrible days. But somehow, they had been found. And James and Harry had suffered the consequences for it. Sirius would never reveal the Potter's location. Or would he?

"Are you going to keep me locked up here forever?" 

"No. This is strict to keep you safe."

She huffed, running a finger through her knotted auburn hair. She hated Severus. She hated him so immensely the rage nearly burned a hole through her chest. She had never felt like this before, not for anyone. Possibly besides Voldemort, but that was a given. He had killed so many people close to her, it was impossible _not_ to hate him. But Severus had betrayed her beyond meaning. Beyond anything. A loud crack emitted from the unknown depths beyond her door, dislodging Lily from her train of thought. She heard footsteps. Someone had apparated in.

"Severus?" A distant sugary voice called. 

He eyed Lily, holding a finger to his lips and shushing her, leaving with a swish of his robes. He locked the door behind him and his heavy footsteps echoed down the hall. Lily stood up, making her way across the room to the door. She held her bony hand up to it, still being able to feel the faint vibration from when it had been closed nearly seconds before. She didn't have her wand, but she could feel magic clinging around her, thick in the air like a layer of smog. She would have to try wandless magic eventually, she supposed. She had researched them before, for NEWTS exams, but never actually tried one. Remus Lupin, one of her closest friends, had always been good at them. She focused deeply and intently on the cold gold knob, putting all of her energy into it. She tuned out the rest of the world, squeezing her eyes shut as focused harder than she ever had before. She heard a click and the knob seemed to have loosened. Her eyes shot open, astounded at the wandless unlocking spell she had performed. It might not be of any good use, wandering around the halls of wherever she was being kept, but it was worth a shot. She twisted the doorknob, the door noisily creaking as it inched open. She slid out of the small space between the wall and the door. 

Lily found herself in a dark concrete hall, similar to the Hogwarts dungeons. It painfully reminded her of her nightly prefect patrols with James. She pushed that memory far into the back of her mind, not letting it get to her at the moment. She had time to focus on her dead husband later. She slid down the halls, staying glued to the cold stone walls. She didn't have a destination, she just needed to leave. She passed a dark door, dim light escaping from under it. Lily wandered over, peeking through the crack. A pale-grey house elf stood in the middle of the nearly-empty room, tending to a tall wooden table. It looked back at Lily, its expression long and scared. Its eyes slightly grew warm when it met Lily's. 

"Can Rappy get anything for Miss?" It whispered, scurrying towards Lily. 

She slightly flinched at the sudden movement, blinking down at "Rappy".

"No, I am quite well. Thank you, Rappy."

It nodded curtly, turning back the long table. Lily hesitated, slipping fully into the room and softly shutting the door behind her. The elf turned to her once more, its eyes calculating. She sighed, 

"Actually... is there any possibility you could get me a wand?" she asked breathlessly.

It nodded, and with a snap of its fingers, a long dark wand appeared. It handed it over and turned back to the table. Lily fiddled with the wand between her fingers for a moment, getting used to the feeling of the magic seeping into her. She didn't have her own wand, nor did she know where it was. To test it, she muttered a low _Reparo_ spell to seem the fabric of her ripped collar back together. It knitted together seamlessly as if it had never happened. Feeling accomplished, she set back down the hall once more.

Cackling laughs echoed down the hall, making the hair on Lily's neck rise. She had a bad feeling about it but chose to ignore it, seeming that it sounded far away. She turned a corner and saw a large stalky man pacing at the end of it. She didn't recognize him but didn't want to take any chances. She aimed her wand accordingly and shot a hex at him, making him fall to the ground. She nodded shortly and continued to the door he was guarding. As she approached him and his precious door, she realized he was only immobilized, not passed out. She peered down at him, and met his eyes,

"Sorry," she shrugged. The man glared up at her before tightly squeezing his eyes closed. She stepped over his limp body, opening the door he stood so carelessly in front of. To her surprise, it led directly outside, no guards or creatures or anything. _It was too easy,_ Lily thought. She slowly padded down the large cobblestone steps, leading to a barren courtyard. Where was she? This couldn't be Severus' house, it was much too big. She thought about the possible owners but ended in a stump every time. She didn't know where the dark lord resided, but it couldn't have been this manor, that didn't feel right. Lily took her shoes off and sunk to her knees in the dewy grass, feeling it under her fingers and twisting around her toes. It was a relief, but also the exact opposite. It brought her to her senses, making her aware that this was real life. She wasn't dreaming. She half-expected to be shaken awake by Marlene, alerting her she would miss breakfast if she slept in any longer. That it was all a horrible dream. That she would tidy up and go through her day and classes at Hogwarts like normal. But it was never that simple, was it?

The door she exited out of moments ago swung open, followed by a commotion of voices. Lily dug her hands in the grass, hoping she could disappear then and there. She slowly turned to look back to the door, where a crowd of supposed Death Eaters sauntered down the steps, none of them batting a mere eye for Lily. She sat up, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. It was almost as if none of them could see her. They continued their stroll down the courtyard's path, moving right past her without turning a head. She recognized Bellatrix Lestrange, Sirius' mental cousin, Barty Crouch Jr, a troublesome Slytherin a year younger than her, and Severus near the back. Their eyes locked, him being the only one who could see her apparently. He nodded slowly and a low voice barged into Lily's thoughts, _"I put a glamour on you, but you're lucky you didn't get caught wandering the halls like that. They're investigating the hex put on the guard, so I advise you to leave before they find out it was you. Smart thinking, using the elf for a wand."_ Lily grasped her forehead, a searing pain echoing through it. It was Severus' voice, but how did he do that? She stared unknowingly at him as he turned the corner with the rest of his crowd.

Lily stumbled back awkwardly, unsure of what she should do. She had no clue where she was, or what the circumstances of her being there were. Were her friends okay? She thought long and hard, but couldn't apparate. She was weak-- that was the one thing she was sure of. Her breathing was shallow as she collected every happy memory she could think of, to conjure a Patronus. But every time she thought of a charming prank played by her charming husband or her son's first laugh, they got drowned out by the thought of them dying at the hands of Voldemort. A stray tear exited her pale green eyes, which she quickly wiped away. She had no time to think about them, not now at least.

At last, after replaying a memory of a drunken Gryffindor party over and over in her head, a silvery figure of a doe escaped from her wand. She nearly broke down at the sight of it, for it reminded her of James and his Patronus-- a stag. She collected herself and spoke as clearly as she could, coughing multiple times before, "Sirius-- I hope this finds you well. It's Lily, I survived Voldemort's visit. I've been locked away in a manor with Death Eaters, but I'm alright now. I will try my best to find you lot, we will speak more on arrival," she explained, her firm head-girl voice resurfacing. The doe pranced a circle around Lily before disappearing. All she could hope was that it would reach him.

\----- 

Lily scraped her knee as she stumbled over a surprisingly large stump, hidden under the ivy of the thick forest. She winced, letting the pain seethe in before healing it with a simple incantation she learned from Remus all those years ago. She decided the best thing she could do was walk. Walk until she had nowhere left to go, no more energy left. It would drain her fast, despite the stamina she had built up over time. She would walk until she couldn't anymore, sleep as long as her cruel mind would let her, then apparate the next day. Her plan was practically full-proof, besides the numerous amount of things that could go wrong. Lily Evans had always been one for plans, but not when her life depended on it. That's where her mind went blank.

She spent a lot of the time talking to herself. Gibberish, mostly. Pretending she had baby Harry swaddled around her chest, telling him all the things they would do after the war. All the plans she and James had for him, how wonderful he would be one day. She sang songs and recited nursery rhymes to him, hearing his baby coos and whimpers echo through her mind. Was she going crazy? Or was she just a mourning mother? There was no difference, really.

Lily hummed a tune under her breath after the specter of Harry had vanished.

_"The monster's gone. He's on the run and your daddy's here,"_ Lily softly sang, her voice escaping her, _"Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy,"_

The day went by fast. Of course, Lily didn't know what time of day it was when she left, but the sun set a lot faster than she expected it to. She found a small area of wood that looked safe, although nothing was safe these days. She settled down onto a softer-looking area of grass, fairies dazzling around the near bushes. She felt safe around the fairies, whether she should or not was to be determined. She fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the ground, her dreams filled with screams of agony from James.

Lily woke to a faint barking sound coming from a distance. She scrambled awake, bolting to her knees. She looked around, unprepared and jittery, still stuck in a hazy blur. She got to her feet, brushing faint trails of dirt off of her shirt. She felt around for her wand, relieved to find it in a pocket on the length of her leg, where she left it. " _Scourgify_ " she whispered lowly, the dirt disappearing.

Lily looked to the sky, the sun not at its peak yet, meaning it was before noon. She then remembered the barking sound she heard when she woke and stumbled backward a bit, gluing herself to a thick tree. She looked around, still being able to hear it yet. It had to be a dog, it wasn't a full moon and she couldn't think of what else it would be. She decided it was safe enough to apparate and stood her ground, stomping her feet into the earth beneath her, taking deep breaths.

Since Lily was locked in a safe house for the last couple of months, she hadn't had to apparate anywhere-- she was a bit rusty. She focused all of her energy and magic on the thought of apparating to where Sirius resided. She felt the magic brewing underneath the surface as she gripped her wand harder. As she felt the familiar tug behind her navel, something latched onto her calf as she disapparated away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Lily sings to herself is Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) by John Lennon  
> The lyrics hit too close to home on her situation with James and Harry ;(


End file.
